A bit of a failure

Today I had a stressful day...

Was supposed to sit 3 tests and luckily only sat 2 because one of my lecturers thought she could spare me from the 3rd one and having me sit it on Thursday.

The 1st went well or so I think...
I am always hesitant to use the word 'easy' as it's when you feel safe that you really are not but I do feel I did ok and all the effort put into studying will possibly pay off when I get the result.

The 2nd test instead was another story...
Hours of preparation, tutorials, flash cards, internet research, book reading and note taking just happened to fail miserably when, after having thought I did fairly well, I found out that I got 60% in my Chemistry test where the pass mark is 70%

A couple of stupid mistakes and then a major one...
One that cost me all the marks of the last 2 questions.
Just one stupid rule I didn't understand that completely ruined my results.
Well, not like the rule is really stupid, it's more me not thinking straight but what a silly way to throw away a pass!

Today's test was a self assessment, the real exam is not until January but, even if my lecturer was fairly pleased with my result for not having done any chemistry before, I still felt a bit of a failure...

The positive side is that I will never make this mistake again...
The negative side is that I'll have to go again through every single rule to make sure I know exactly what to do with it...

Or maybe I should consider this a positive?

Not sure quite yet but meanwhile I'm buying a shovel for the chocolate ice-cream tub...
I think it will be a few long weeks leading up to the real exam...

My first patient...

Have you ever tried to imagine how does a doctor feel when he has to deal with his first patient?

And no, I'm not talking about the first patient of the day, the one that comes right after your morning coffee, the one that you'll fight not to yawn at, the one that inevitably will keep you longer than you wish but not because you don't like him or her, just because it's the first patient of the day and anyone would be too much at 8 in the morning...

I'm talking about the first real patient, the one you've been waiting for and dreaming of, the first one that will feel how cold your stethoscope is, will admire your nervous smile and understand that actually, you just turned into a doctor!

Have you ever wondered if you'll say the right thing, follow the right procedure and chant the right diagnosis?

I had a taste of that today...

Right, to be fair I didn't have to use the stethoscope, smile, pronounce a diagnosis or even entertain... To be honest it wasn't even close to 8am!

But how cool was it to follow a procedure and take care of the patient making sure he was alright while I was administering the medication?


Oh right, you people, it was just Storm, but it's a beginning and it's telling me that's exactly what I want to do.. and we all have to start somewhere don't we?!?

Studying in company

They say that studying in company has its advantages...

Yeah, I can see that!

You share the knowledge and notes, if someone doesn't get something the other person(s) can help, when a pause is needed you're not alone and some nice, maybe mindless conversation can go on and take your thoughts away from revision...

Truth is that studying with friends can also be tricky as not all go at the same pace, you may have to wait for or have to catch up with people, may want to concentrate on a subject rather than another one but not everybody agrees, you may not be up for the chatter at the table or maybe prefer studying with music rather than in complete silence but your preferences are not regarded...

So tonight it's bonfire night in Scotland. Apparently a guy didn't manage to blow up the parliament some few years ago so, to celebrate that event, we do blow up half of Edinburgh and surroundings with fireworks every year on this night!
The rhyme goes like "Remember remember the 5th of November..." though really, how could someone forget about it with an explosion every 4 seconds, I don't know...

Don't take me wrong, the displays that go on throughout the city and the rest of the country are gorgeous but quite different to what I am used to do as a celebration!

I was supposed to go out with friends for a firework galore display but, 1- I have a cat that needs supervision as he's still not completely recovered from his anesthesia, 2- it's too flipping cold outside for a hearty Italian like me and 3- I have tons (...and I am not kidding by saying tons) of notes to rewrite and study so I have decided to pass on the explosion's part of the evening, sent the husband out to represent the family, and staid home to expand my quite limited knowledge on the human heart and ECGs.

I have friends studying with me tonight and, as you can see from my picture, I don't know about the sharing of notes, pace of learning or equal contribution of knowledge but it's pretty clear that they are both very much into it as well as excellent providers of mindless conversation!

Doing the "right thing"

Right, I have to apologise for not being able to update this blog in the past couple of weeks, it is so unlike me!

The excuse(s) is/are that I was busy, had tests coming up, a husband just come back from India, a gorgeous birthday party and a painfully snotty cat...

...The truth is, I had a bit of a writer's block!

Not like I didn't know what to say, that would be ridiculous given the fact that I am Italian and we can waffle endlessly, it was more on the fact that I actually had so much stuff going on that I couldn't find a way of mentally organising it all and write it down... hence, a few white pages!

College is going great, so far I'm keeping up really well with assessments and study plan...

I just had my progress interview with my tutor in which he told me that he's very happy about my work... I know I can do better though, and he knows it too, so I'm working on concentrating a bit more or studying and less on having a life...

Yeah... well... who needs a life anyway?!? After all it's only a few months till we'll know who gets into St Andrews so it's worth the effort.

I really hate this situation where only 5 of us will be able to proceed to St. Andrews, we should all be given the chance to go on...

In these quiet, literally unproductive days, I had the chance to get to know some people in my class a bit better.

To be honest, we have some real characters in the group and I love them!

We all have amazing stories that made us what we are today and I got fascinated by a few of them. We all face things in such a different way...
I'm the little control freak but you can easily spot the funny one, the laid back one, the goofy one, the frightened one and many more...
So, as I sit amongst them and I get to be a little part of their day, I wonder why was I thinking that I shouldn't be much help to them just because we're "competing"...

Is this really what a Doctor would do?
Would he turn his back to people in need and say: "Sorry but I'm after the same thing you are so no, I won't help you get closer to it..."
Would he say "Your loss my gain"?

...Would he really?

Well, I wouldn't!

Would God really judge me worth of going on taking care of people if I am so worried about someone being better than me that I won't feel safe helping them?

Do I really trust God "so much" to think that doing the right thing would damage me?

I sure don't think so...

So I've started!
I've started sharing my notes, my methods, my revision cards and tables...

I have started doing what is right to do and I know that this will only make me a better person.

So here it is, in black and white, all I have been thinking.

...So much for the writer's block...

St. Andrews University

Becoming a doctor...

Quite a few days have passed since when I last posted on here...

I have been quite busy with studying for tests... so many tests in so little time!

Cell Biology, DNA structure and function, Maths, Human Body... even awful Health & Safety!

Mind you, all very interesting, but it feels like I don't have much time to do anything else but studying...
Even my beloved Red Cross has fallen a bit in the reserve tank of "things-to-do-when-I'll-have-a-bit-more-time" kind of activity, and it feels so strange since that has been my priority for so long!

We're on a week off from studying, a week where I could indeed sit in front of the TV and do absolutely nothing since the tests are done, the lessons don't begin again until the 21st and there is nothing outside my door that really attracts me...

But I don't seem to be able to rest... probably because if I did take time off from studying I'd end up thinking about all the other millions of things that need to be dealt with and I feel slightly overwhelmed at the moment...

So I study...

Becoming a doctor (a good, responsible doctor, that is...) requests much effort even from these early stages.
So I open my book and properly keep my nose into it...

Can you see me?!?

A new breed of heroes

Yesterday was quite a day… and I mean QUITE a day!
We started by getting up at 2.30am, some of us even slightly earlier.

We met in town and got divided into 2 cars to drive down from Edinburgh to South Shields to help out the 1st aiders for the Great North Run. As the event's website says, this is the world’s biggest, most prestigious half-marathon!

Fact is, we expected about 50,000 runners, we had a full field hospital operational plus several other 1st aid posts scattered along the route.

For those coming down from Edinburgh the tradition is to stop kind of half way there at the Purdy Inn (though we still call it Greasy Joe's from the previous owners!) and have breakfast all together before the long day begins.

All in all this year was good... a few hiccups here and there but nothing related to us who mostly
dealt with grazes, blisters, friction burns (yes, we did hand out quite a lot of Vaseline!), exhaustion, dehydration and some strains and sprains…

In a quiet moment I even went for a walk and befriended the most amazing guide dog ever...

... while the Red Arrows were painting in the sky!

What we did was hardly exciting for some of the best 1st aiders in the UK (...and sorry if I keep on reminding you guys that we did win the national 1st aid competition!) but after all, what needs to be done needs to be done and so we took care of it… after all it’s about the people and not about us!

But yeah, we were indeed complaining about boredom on the way back up to Edinburgh and do you know how much time for complaining there is in a 3 hours drive?!?

Except… someone had some other plans for us instead of letting us wasting such a long time.

Just about 10 minutes after we had left the race we came to a roundabout and we noticed a car shooting towards the lights, glass on the floor, a man from another vehicle running inside the hit car and we just knew it was time for us to spring into action!

Dan, Rachel, Scott and I jumped out of our car and ran across the road to assist at the crash site.
A bus had just rear ended the car whose back windscreen had literally exploded.
Dan and I started taking care of the car driver while Scott and Rachel ran to the bus to make sure the driver was ok too.

For those who imagine ER rescuing it really was nothing of that sort... but in a certain sense it was better!

All of our equipment was on another vehicle, we were just going home and happened to come across someone who needed help and what made it special was the way we all worked together as a team.

No rehearsal, no warning, no time to panic!

The ambulance was called, so were the fire brigades…
Fluorescent jackets on, we made the are safe, hazard lights on, hand break pulled, ignition key out of the panel, briefing ready for the emergency services, reassuring words for the two casualties and all of this done looking after each other as well as looking after the 2 people in need!

I have rarely seen such coordination in a team without the need of a leader, we all knew what we had to do and swapped positions around to make sure that everything was done in the best way…

When we left the scene of the accident the atmosphere in the car was very different from the one there was when we came across the crash.
Our spirits were high, we did what we have been training for a long time to do and we did it well… how rewarding! And how wonderful to be able to help people when they need it…

We were so high from the experience that we decided we had to celebrate and ended up going to the movies together and getting a massive ice-cream…

When the movie finished I innocently said: “So, hand up if you didn’t fall asleep at least 10 minutes during the show”… Nobody actually lifted the hand and we just started laughing…

Apparently being the new breed of heroes can be quite tyring!

Me and my chocolate-truffle wellies...

Perth College organised an adventure day out for our class today.
After 3 days of almost solid rain, today was absolutely gorgeous… too bad it was freezing!

Anyway, after getting out of bed at silly o’clock, I had breakfast, played a bit with the kitties and then dragged my sleepy face back to the bedroom to decide what to wear since I knew we were going to climb up trees and stuff like that…
Not like I have many ‘lumberjack–like’ attires, and you know me, I am a girlie girl so I had to think hard at what I wanted to wear.

Jeans? Hm, maybe…
A long sleeve top? Yeah but it’s so cold outside…
Trainers? Would be the ideal choice but what if they get tree sap or mud on them? They’re pink!!!

So after much consideration I wore a pair of black jeans, a nice woolen jumper, a warm jacket and I pulled out of the cupboard my wellies.
See, my wellies are not normal, boring wellies… They are decorated with a picture of chocolate truffles which makes them perfect for a girl to wear.
They are comfortable, keep your feet dry and warm and they are so über cool!

So off I went, drove for an hour from Edinburgh to Perth and got on the minibus driven by our lecturer to Dunolly Park with the rest of my classmates.

Today turned out to be a day of great achievements.

I managed to climb to the top of a 60-foot tree and to beat the record of crate stacking in my group… Not bad for someone who doesn’t like to be higher than 1 foot off the ground!
When I got to the top of the tree I was so elated I could hardly breathe.My arms and legs were quite sore and shaking from the climb and looking down wasn’t exactly an option!

I staid up there for a minute and in this short time a few thoughts went through my head…

If you put your mind to it you can achieve anything…
If you fail the first time why not try a second one?
If you can’t do a particular thing it doesn’t mean you won’t be able to do other ones…

As I let myself slide down, hanging on for dear life to the rope, I felt so good!

As the morning progressed I tried a few more things with my friends which turned out to be so much fun as we got to know each other better.

At the end of the challenges we all gathered in the garden for a nice BBQ before going back home and almost asleep on the bus, with my head about to fall on Simon’s shoulder, I did think my chocolate-truffle wellies and I had a great day!

Me now...

Right, this was started by a good friend of mine on his blog and I thought it would be a good exercise for me to answer all of these too...
Not because I need to let you know all of this about me, but because it would be nice to see in a year or so if I still would answer the same to many of these questions...

So here we go...

I am: Always trying to go the extra mile
I think: There is just not enough faith in this world
I know: I'm never alone even when it looks that way
I have: A secret passion for the smell of dump places
I wish: I could mend hearts
I hate: Whoever belittles those around them
I miss: My mum... a lot!
I fear: People will realise there is more to this life than what they see until when it’ll be too late to do anything about it
I hear: My thoughts
I smell: No, actually I don’t!
I crave: Sweet things, most of the time…
I search: A way to create the perfect pizza base at home but I’m not quite there yet!!!
I wonder: If animals who lived on earth will be in heaven too…
I regret: Not having said what I was thinking sometimes…
I love: God, my family, my cats, my friends, chocolate ice-cream, the night, bright sunny days, the smell of cookies just out of the oven, children’s laughter, learning new things everyday
I ache: When I see people or animals hurt
I am not: Perfect…
I believe: That not being able to forgive is a curse for those who can’t forgive and not for those who are not forgiven…
I dance: Because I’m happy
I sing: In front of mirrors, holding a torchlight pretending that’s a mic and thinking I’m a rock star!
I cry: Quite often because I’m a softie
I fight: Like a girl… oh wait… I AM a girl!
I never: Wait for people to show me they are worth my trust before I do trust them… but I should…
I win: When I don’t fight back about something silly
I lose: My mobile phone all the time!
I always: Seem to get what I want… My dad once told me “Everything you touch turns to gold” …I’m just very blessed!
I confuse: Cinammon with nutmeg and I don’t even like nutmeg!
I listen: To people when they speak, I can always learn something…
I can usually be found: With my nose in a book, in the fridge or at the movies
I am scared: Of walking alone in dark places
I need: A good reason to go to bed at a decent time most nights…
I am happy about: The fact that I feel very much loved
I imagine: I can fly…

Would you ever have thought I am like this?

An afternoon of sillyness at the library...

After 2 hours of staining bacteria on microscope slides during our Cell Biology class, a little group of us sat in the library and started talking complete nonsense...

Let's face it, there is effectively only so much serious stuff one can discuss in a day and so, between a laughter and the other, I took a picture of Vicky!

Not like she was willing to pose, I had to fight for this frame, but it was brought about from her teasing Simon because he looks about 12 in his picture or, as Vicky put it, “Not 12 but not even 22”!

Well said Vicky! So then I had to post a photo of her too, just in the name of fairness!!!

And then there was me… Don’t I look very busy studying?

The truth is that I was totally posing for this picture and the only reason why I am confessing I wasn't really studying is because, if I tried to say I wasn’t posing, Simon would surely add a comment at the end of what I’m writing saying he was there and I was laughing so much that studying would have been quite impossible…

Can’t hide anything nowadays… it’s all fault of technology!

But the masterpiece is this…

A very difficult exercise Simon and I worked on together trying to prove whose brain was more pickled at 3pm!!!

Well, the fact is that Health and Safety in itself isn’t really the most challenging or interesting subject we study…

Erm.. to be honest it’s quite hard to stay awake during class so we started drawing and, from Simon’s lyrics, a masterpiece was born…

A building with a helipad on top, a helicopter trying to land (but it's labelled ‘HUM’), a baby dinosaur which Simon decided was supposed to try and eat me but I’m cleverer than that and I hand him a candy sooo... if you can see what the dinosaur is thinking, it’s pretty clear he SO LOVES ME!

Anyway, after such an intense afternoon, our little group moved from the library to Costa Café…

At certain times it’s really difficult to study…

I wonder if all this was brought about by the bacteria we cruelly tried to turn pink and purple in the lab... Revenge maybe?!?

Remember...

Today my Sunday School group was supposed to sing to the congregation for our Harvest service...
I have to say I felt quite nervous... We hadn't rehearsed the song nearly enough and, though the kids were shouting the words and doing the actions quite well in the safety of our class, they ended up being petrified once in front of the crowd and almost didn't say a word...
What a shame, they are so good at singing!
I suppose the next time we should make sure they know there is nothing to be afraid of... and yet, they are only kids so it's easy for us to say "Don't be scared" but aren't we just the same when it comes down to adult stuff?

The reason why I say this is that lately I have lost sight of a few things...
You know how it is when your head is so filled with stuff that you couldn't possibly fit any more in?

The flat to sell, the mortgage to rearrange, the husband on the other side of the world, the family in another country, the bills coming in, the volunteering to do, the friends who need help, the big decisions to make, the sick cat...

But more than anything the competition in my class to get into university...
A lot of what ifs and many, many doubts...

Can you spot what I have forgotten? Or who I have forgotten, I should say...

So today while I was looking at the kids and thinking in my head "Come on kids, you're great, don't be scared!" I could swear I heard a word...

"Remember" it said...
Remember? What should I remember?

And then it was so clear!

Remember who are you doing this for...
The people who won't be otherwise able to afford medical care, you are their chance!

Remember this is not a job...
This is a mission!

Remember who you're doing this with...
God carries me!

And all of a sudden all I have been worried and scared about pretty much vanished.

The price of commitment...

How hard is it making a choice between 2 things which are really, REALLY important?
How many other times will I have the opportunity to compete in the European Championships of First Aid?
And how many other chances will I get to become a doctor?
And how do you chose which one is the best opportunity?

It seems a pretty straightforward choice and yet it isn't...

Yes, I have chosen to become a doctor (if I fail any of my exams I would only be able to blame the fact that I didn't concentrate too much on studying) so I have to eliminate any other distraction.
But not "any" distraction, just the best one, the one I was really looking forward to, the one that comes rarely and will never repeat again, not with the same people at least.
So I'm letting down friends... and though I pray they'll understand my reasons, I still feel horrible for leaving my team!

On the other hand though, what am I supposed to do?
Risk failing the only chance I have to pass my exams and become a doctor because I preferred First Aid training rather than study?
Or maybe be perfectly prepared for the exam but not being able to sit it because something happens and I am not granted a resit?

Commitment sometimes begs for a very high price to be paid, and not always pays you back.

I hope this won't be my case...

The story

I’m reading a book…
I’m reading a book that hasn’t got an end yet…
I’m reading a book that, according to me, has an amazing potential…
I’m just wondering if you would tell the author when the point he’s making isn’t a point really…
When something is misty, funny but not appropriate, childish or even too profound…
Would you tell him?
Would you risk breaking the author’s dream to make sure that the book turned out at its best?
Or wouldn’t you?
Because then you wouldn’t really be the author’s friend, would you?
Or maybe is because you are a friend that you wouldn’t say?
Most of the pages start quietly, but then they awake and they take you on a journey and you can see ahead, possibly even more ahead than the author himself can...
And you’re excited, proud, anticipating the next step up… only… it’s not a step that comes…
Would you dare make a comment?
And if you did dare, how would you word it?
And if there weren’t any words to say it gently, would you hit the author with the truth?
So I have a dilemma…
I’ll wait and keep on reading, wondering when I should really say and not just go along with the flow of the story…
After all, the only thing I am interested in is the success of the book...
Because this book is the story of the author himself…

A lazy day...

Today is my first day off from everything in a long time and for a long time so I have decided that, besides studying a bit, I'm not going to be up to much until tonight when I'll be going out for dinner with my Red Cross mates.
At 12.30 the solicitors are coming to have a look at our flat and take pictures to put it effectively on sale next Monday.
Stuart and I are trying to move up to Cupar, much closer to St. Andrews so that, when I'll go to study there next year, I won't have to drive and hour and a half each way every day...

The house we're looking at is wonderful for us, I'd have my own study (as a future doctor I need one, don't I?!?), there is a beautiful en-suite room for my dad to come and stay with me for a while and there is also the perfect garden for the kitties to go out and play without the possibility of escaping... As I said, it's perfect... so please pray for us to sell our flat soon so we can buy this new place and start anew there...

This is all really exciting and it still feels a bit difficult to believe it's happening but hey, who complains?!?

So now I'm going to try and do some studying... Last night my friend Dan loaded me with awesome Chemistry and Biology books and I have every intention to put them to good use!
Well yeah, you know me, I'm a little geek...

So I say goodbye for now, and will go to join Storm on the bed and try to look very clever from there!

It's competition!

Our first class today was Cell Biology.

The subject in itself is really not that challenging... what is so difficult about cell walls and plasma membranes I don't know, but I suppose it's kind of the stepping stone for us to move on to more difficult things.

So today we donned our lab coats, switched on the microscopes and made slides of onion cells, plant cells and cheek cells... I'm not telling you how fun it was to scrape cells out of our cheeks with a syringe but you can imagine!

The whole exercise was actually really cool, we managed to see tiny little parts of the cells which would be impossible to see otherwise (though I was a bit disappointed when the teacher pointed out that what Simon and I were looking at was just a blob and not really one of my cells...) and it was fascinating.

Eventually we got there and, coloured crayons at hand, we got to draw some beautiful cell masterpieces!
After that we went for lunch (well... it was supposed to be breakfast but we were so hungry that it ended up being lunch!) and then back to class for Chemistry.

Unfortunately something happened to our teacher and he wasn't there but we got to sit with our tutor and discuss all the ins and outs of our course.

It was very good to get a few things sorted, clear up the air on some issues and, though it was nice to know that there may be the chance for more than just 5 to get into St Andrews (provided of course we all get the requested grades) it was also made pretty clear that it's a remote possibility and we are competing against each other...

I don't know how I really feel about it... I love to help people and this situation kind of puts me in the position where I have to keep what I know for myself (except for sharing it with Simon of course) and behave like I am not that clever or not that focused or even not that bothered...

I suppose there is a reason for everything and maybe I need this experience to grow up into the independent, free thinking and capable doctor I want to become, I just hope it won't change the type of person I already am and I really like to be...

But for the moment it's "open-season" so I have to deal with it!


On the bright side - because there is always a bright side - I arrived home, parked the car, got out into the rain and there I saw him... aimlessly crawling right in the middle of the sidewalk...


"They're going to squash you if you don't get out of the way, little one!"
He stopped for a moment, just like if he understood me and then kept on crawling...
"Right, talking to you isn't going to help, I know..."

So, totally ignoring the repulsion I feel for bugs, I put my hand right in front of him, let him crawl onto it, lifted him and put him right in the middle of the garden under a bush...
He started crawling again... yes, in the direction of the sidewalk... I wander if he really had to get somewhere and I delayed his journey...

But I feel good about it, and for now, saving a worm's life just made my day...

In the future...

I really had to post this one... Makes you wonder if this is the direction we'll be taking...

Remind me why am I studying again?!? :-p

A new week

So, this morning I decided to go to college to study even if I didn't have any lessons...
For those of you who are not familiar with this area, my college is about 1hr drive away from where I live and most days there is quite a bit of traffic to get there so that 1hr turns out to be more like 1 and 1/2 hr...

Now, let's talk about dedication to the cause!

At college I made a very special friend already. Simon is like a male version of me...
No, I'm not talking about the pretty, lovely and utterly adorable side of me... though he's very nice for sure... but he is fanatical about doing good and doesn't mind going over the same things again and again to make sure we are not caught out by weird questions or concepts.
A friend like this is going to push me to do well, get the best out of me when I may feel like giving up and that's what you want from a friend, isn't it?!?

So today we went through all we did last week because tomorrow a new week will start (we have Mondays off...) and we wanted to be ready. "Ready for what?" you 'll ask...

Well, our lecturers have this habit of assuming that we have an in-depth knowledge of certain subjects which we definitely don't have (and we can't even blag it!!!) so the best thing to do is to flick through notes and books and hope for the best!

Yeah, definitely HOPE for the best... hehe...

The beginning...

I have decided to start this blog to keep track of my progress towards becoming a doctor...
It's set to be a long and quite challenging journey but nonetheless really exciting and with many surprises on the way together with opportunities to re-evaluate my positions on many issues.

Perth college will be my home (well, studying home...) for the next year and it's a beautiful place. My classmates are cool and the syllabus it's full of great subjects like Microbiology and Chemistry...

Hopefully this journey will turn out to be as exciting for the next 15 years!!! Oh mamma....