The Temazcal

I've just returned from Mexico where I spent a week relaxing with my friend Giorgia.

Though I have known her for almost two years, we never really had too much time to spend together so it was lovely to finally be able to deepen our friendship.

She turned out to be a fantastic holiday partner in crime.

Just like me she doesn't mind getting up early in the morning for the gym, a long walk on the beach, she likes adventures like me and is keen to try new things.

That's why, while we were taking advantage of the jacuzzi tubs at the resort Spa and the staff came in asking us if we wanted to take part for free in this traditional Mayan treatment/ritual, it didn't seem strange for both to answer with an enthusiastic YES!

Except...
We weren't really told what this "traditional Mayan thing" was going to be.
From memory I remembered having read something in the past about a steam room so I was kind of relaxed about the whole thing.

Except...
We were asked to wear a bathrobe and follow someone... we thought just to the Spa's main entrance but no, we went all the way to the resort's foyer where about 50 people were grouped to look at us... Erm... slightly embarrassing.

Ok well, Giorgia and I looked at each other totally regretting our enthusiasm and stepped ahead.

Greeting us were 4 "Mayan warriors" (well, dancers of the resort playing dress-up) and a "holy man"... though the only holy thing I was able to think of was "holy cow when will I ever learn to keep my mouth shut"!!!!

So we stand there, slightly observed, and told to close our eyes, and open our arms wide
**coooouuugh**
**coooooouuuuugh** some more...
What the heck is happening???

I didn't dare open my eyes but it was clear to me that they were blowing some sort of scented smoke in our face! (and I always maintained I never smoked!!!!!)
After about 10 mins of utter humiliation we walked to the rear side of the pool.
Phew, the rear side, at least the pool crowd can't spot us...

Except...
Giorgia points out that there are about 200 people sitting on their balconies pulling out their cameras...
More "holy" thoughts racing through my mind!

Finally, after having thanked, the earth gods, the water gods, the wind gods, the air gods and the bush fairies which wouldn't let us ever sleep again unless we fed them rosemary sprigs, we were asked to strip down to our bikini to enter the Temazcal.
As soon as I saw what it was I started getting the chills because the rest of the very enlightening article read many moons ago came back to me...

The name Temazcal is made of 2 Nahuati words: temas, which means bath and calli, meaning house. Overheating of the body (during the bath, the body temperature may reach one hundred and four degrees) produces a series of reactions: it stimulates both the superficial and the deep blood circulation, accelerates the frequency of heartbeats, as well as increases their force, calls into action the mechanisms of thermal regulation, activates the metabolism, and promotes sweating. All of these effects produce a great internal movement of energy and liquids, somewhat similar to the way in which strenuous exercise does, bringing increased circulation to all the muscles, organs and tissues. While all sweat baths produce these effects, the Temazcal, because of the way it works and the precision with which it can be regulated by the healer in charge of the bath, controls these body reactions to high heat to maximize the curative effects of the bath.

Downside of this very clever concept: the temperature inside this chamber is infernal!

As tradition requests, one has to enter in single file, in a clockwise fashion and sit on its little towel. Who goes the wrong way? Take a guess!!! (more embarrassment!)
Now I am all worried I have upset the fairies so very sheepishly walk backwards retracing my steps and finally enter the right way around.
I sit down and wait for everybody else to come in and then the guy says "AHUM"!

Huh???

So Ahum turns out to be the way to start and close conversation. A few Ahums later we are all laying on the floor, dripping sweat and wishing we were mute!
Ahums fly right and left, I'm in my own personal delirium!
By this point the temperature inside the Temazcal has raised to 47.5C and I am literally melting.

I try to settle and think of all beautiful things that happen in warm weather: the sea (oh how I wished I could jump in it), ice-cream (may someone please bring me one right now?), snow (yeah well, that doesn't happen in hot weather but my brain doesn't seem to connect properly!)
I reach my limit and decide to escape!

"It's too hot" I say and get up to make a run for the door... Crap, the wrong way around!
Ask forgiveness to the fairies, go back the other way, ask forgiveness to the guy I almost kicked in the face and run out!
Giorgia, needless to say, sacrifices herself (NOT!) to keep me company and runs for her life too!

We're out... we're safe!
Except...

The holy dude comes out to check on us, gives us a hug and suddenly drops the contents of an icy bowl of water on both our heads!
Holy sheep in the green pastures and all of Mary's little lambs!!!
We're both wide-eyed (especially Giorgia who had spent the entire day avoiding water because she didn't want to wet her hair!) we're shivering now, disoriented and very ready to attack the wonderful fruit buffet that was set-up right outside the torture chamber.
We finally sit down and regain consciousness (or whatever semi-state of it we were before this experience!)

About 20 minutes after, the rest of the group comes out, we all sit together to share our feelings The two of us, who are clearly horrified but with very good people skills, smile politely until the moment when holy dude shares with us that outside the resort this same ritual is accompanied by drinking hallucinogenic tea and burning herbal drugs rather than our very "I-am-only-happy-with-potatoes" rosemary...

Dear holy dude, thanks for the wonderful Mayan experience.... Now I think I know why they don't exist anymore!!! But at least it was something different and all in all fun...