Hello Blackberry!

Blackberry is a fruit... why did they name a phone after a piece of fruit is really obscure to me...

I was trying to find a reasonable explanation for my brother about the name: "Erm... I suppose a blackberry fruit is black with little blobs... so the phone is black with a keyboard!"
Yeah well, sorry, that's the most intelligent thing I could come up with!!!


I have wanted a Blackberry since I can remember but it was not in the range my phone provider held so I always opted for other sort of phones. The one I have now is a touch screen one and it's mildly annoying since in winter my fingertips get so cold that the screen doesn't recognise the touch and I end up looking like a maniac trying to punch a message into the poor defenceless phone which doesn't really care!!!

Since my contract ended today I was due a phone upgrade. I went into the Orange shop and found out that the Blackberry is now available to get.
No-brainer decision there than... I'm getting one!!! Except... there are about 15 different types of blackberries to "pick"! Bold? Curve? Storm?
Since the name unequivocally leads me to think about the fruit, you can imagine I was relying on all my inside strength not to burst out laughing at the poor guy who was trying to explain the difference between the different "berries" as, in my head, I see them all hanging from a bush!!!

I asked for a few minutes alone with the handsets (you know... to think!), looked at them all, picked them up and tried to find differences that could be decisive in my choice but nope... not a clue!!!
Until when the sales guy must have realised that I was indeed unique (to say the least!!!) and had this eureka moment... Left my side, went into the back store and came back with him, the winner, the berry that stole my heart, that caught my little fashionable, terribly stylish Italian soul... The white Blackberry Bold!


And all of a sudden I saw how "Bold" and "berry" can go together, I saw he was different, a "berry" with a twist, and he was going to be mine!




So welcome into my life you beautiful, pearl white Blackberry, though you're albino and not black, I think you and me are special and we'll get along very well as long as you, of course, promise to always recognise the touch of your mistress!!!

A summer stroll...

Summer has to be my favourite season...
And no, it is not just because of the heat or the light though they most certainly are welcomed and very much enjoyed, I love summer because of what it brings out in people...

Today I went out for a little stroll with my brother... I love walking in Edinburgh, no matter how many times I go there I always manage to see something that captures my attention!
Today was not different.

While gently strolling through Princess gardens Dani and I stopped to admire how beautiful the outline of the main fountain was against the amazingly blue sky, absolutely breathtaking!


So we had to take a picture together right in front of it, and don't we look smashing?!



It's definitely quite a different experience from the crazy freezing walk we took on Christmas night when everything was icy and the streets were deserted...
Today was hot, not a cloud in the sky and there were so many people around, children playing in the gardens, splashing water from the fountain... People holding ice-creams, wearing smiles and like if they were at some kind of seaside resort, several walked around proudly without their t-shirts... aahhh... have to love Scotland for this, a ray of sun and people lose all sense of shame! They all wear sunglasses, all turn to the sun like sunflowers and all breathe in deep this rare moment of fullness...
And I feel right at home because that's exactly what I love about summer (though I refrained from walking around topless!)

And look who made its appearance!!! The tram was on Princes Street... Mind you, it wasn't going anywhere... but it was there nonetheless, as a gentle reminder to people that this madness is going ahead and we should all cheer for joy. There it was, Mr Tram in flesh and bones (or better in metal and glass) looking quite sleek and I have to say I'm not that impressed but I'm happy to know that at least something is happening on that front and I look forward to be proven wrong!

With all that heat and being about lunchtime Dani and I went into Browns on George Street for a full Scottish breakfast. I couldn't even eat half of what I ordered but Dani thoroughly enjoyed his while I was looking for something inspiring to photograph... and my eyes focused on my cranberry juice.
Have you ever noticed what an amazing colour it has?!... it looks quite like liquid rubies, the colour of a sunset on the Pacific Ocean ... so I had to take this picture and believe me, it was as tasty and refreshing as this picture looks!


After another little while we decided that the crowds were a bit too much and it was time to go back home for a little siesta (yes, we are Italian!) but not before taking one last cheeky picture of me and my new little acquaintance, resting in the sun, guarding the entrance to the gardens, providing entertainment for the kids and finally kindly accepting to become my friend...

What a lovely day Edinburgh has gifted me again with, never fails to surprise me!

Now what?

After a very stressful, very demanding time in my life I found myself resting for a few days with really nothing much ahead to have to think of...
And everything is organised, everything has a slow pace, everything is just not a source of worry... and I find myself wondering where all the big problems I couldn't get my head around just a few days ago went...

When all is suddenly still, after the world was spinning so fast you felt mildly sick just trying to keep your head above the water, you can't help but ask "What now?"

No more exams to prepare, no surgery to think of , no hospitals shifts to attend, no lectures to follow...
And your mind is free to actually look objectively at all those little issues that came with the "big guns" and that added to the stress and that obviously had NO solution no matter from how many perspectives you tried to look at them.

And now they're vanished... or better they're still there but they are not menacing anymore...

Now it's so clear what is the right thing to do, now that the walls have been teared down you realise your strength, your place, your path...

And the only acceptable answer to the "What now?" question can only be "Now ME!"

From the patient's side...

Well, here I am, back and with the intention of being back for a while!
Stress is over, school's out and I have nothing but summer ahead...
And loads, and I mean LOADS, of time to look around and get inspired for new blog posts. Goodness knows how much I have missed writing...

So here goes, my first post in way too long!

I have just arrived home from a short stay at the hospital... Just a few hours, from 7.30am till 6pm. I had a little procedure done, nothing serious or worrying at all but best for my health, I suppose.
"Normal" people wouldn't worry about stuff like this, "normal" people would laugh about the procedure and "normal" people probably wouldn't even notice the needle...

But I'm not NORMAL and I am a needle phobic.

So I stressed about this for the past 6 months, stressed to a level that affected my studies, my life and my relationships.
Don't take me wrong, a few more things came with the needle phobia that were heavy stressors, but definitely that didn't help!

However, me being me, I always look for the bright side of the situation and this had to be that I got to see "the other side" of my profession, the patient side...

It's all good to power through procedures, paperwork, explanations, drugs, observations and clinical notes when you're a medic... So easily forgetting that what is pure routine, daily bread and butter for you is actually a possibly distressing, very rare event in somebody else's life.

Today was my turn... I did experience all aspects of the journey and every single one of them taught me something.

I do see now why support is the key to success.
I had my brother with me and that made a big difference in the way I was feeling. As brave as one tries to be, having a loving familiar face around truly gives the surroundings a brighter hue.

The waiting room was nice and inviting and the group of us all having to get the same thing done smiled at each other with some sort of understanding.

Once in the ward privacy was assured around each bed and the surgeon and anaesthetist came around to say hi and ask a few questions.

I had seen the surgeon a few times before getting to this point and seeing his smiling, reassuring face was definitely a high of the morning. Not like I really thought that morning had any highs at all, seen my fear, but at least I was sure he knew what he was about to do and that made me feel a heck of a lot better!

Then was the turn of the anesthetist to whom I told about my extreme fear of needles and he said he could actually put me on general gas anaesthesia and then put the needle in once I was "over the edge".
It took me a while to assimilate the concept of "over the edge", imagining all sort of things ranging from extremely scary to hysterically funny but what I can tell you is that, after finding out that I wouldn't even see a needle, my pressure dropped down to normal from a very worrying high!
Now it makes so much sense when I learn in class that stress can lead to some serious problems.
I have experienced it, I'll remember when I deal with my patients.

The staff in the ward was amazing, to the point that when I said I was freezing they got me under the covers and hooked up to a warming machine... I didn't even know such thing existed but it did me a world of good (even if I could only stay in this cocoon for 5 minutes as my turn arrived for surgery).

The trip to theatre was sweet, with a nurse holding me. There is no written rule about it besides understanding what the patient wants. I needed protection, she offered me hers... and I was grateful.

The anaesthesia room all of a sudden was huge! But it is only huge when seeing it from lying on a trolley cot. I have been in several ones as a staff member... oh how the perspective changes totally when you're the patient!
You notice the bleeps of the machines, the different drug vials laying in order the counter, you notice the typical smell, that of iodine, that always lingers in this area, the tubes of the machines, the cotton balls, the tape that you already know will end up on your eye lids, you notice that there are so many people around you... too many!!!
I'll remember this as well... too much of a crowd is unsettling and for a little bit I felt like that...

So I loved the anaesthetist humour teaching me how to get high (though in this case I should say low!) on gases. I felt like a kid... "Let's play a game Dona, breathe in, hold your breath... the longer you hold it, the sooner you'll fly!" Fly??? Where?? Off the trolley... He smiled at me and then I heard the noise fade and everything went fuzzy, the world was all of a sudden gentle and about two seconds later I felt the so distinctive pressure of the blood pressure machine's cuff tightening around my arm... Surely I shouldn't be awake enough to feel that...

...Oh but I should!!! Because almost 3 hours have passed from when I walked down to theatre, I've been out of there for 8 minutes and apparently, while still half asleep, I managed to ask for some chocolate cake to be brought in just for me... Not once, not twice but three awesome times!!!
If it wasn't that the word "shame" rarely features in my vocabulary, this would have been the perfect moment to experience it... too bad it just isn't me!!!
I was back up in the ward about 20 minutes later, much sooner that they expected me to be. I'm sure that's thanks to all the loving prayers my friends have said for me in the past weeks. I surprised everybody with an incredible speedy recovery from the anaesthetic, I drank, I ate and I walked in a way that is hardly seen after surgery so I'm thankful to everyone... God is exceptionally good to me!

The nurses were so caring, bordering motherly and eventually I did get my chocolate. Though it wasn't cake I had about 5 squares of deliciously filled blocks and just sat on the bed to enjoy the virtual cuddles coming in from my friends through phone messages. Technology can be such a blessing!

I peaked under the night gown to see if the surgeon was a liar such as the nurse promising me the heparin injection in my tummy would just be a little scratch and instead had me screaming from pain and then bent for the next 20 minutes from the burning...
The surgeon promised me he wouldn't leave a scar... I looked... He didn't lie! Hero!!!
I remember one of the first things I heard him telling me was "If a surgeon is not vain about his work than run!" Man was I happy to have him as my own personal guardian angel...
There is absolutely nothing that can be seen, not even a dressing, I only have a tiny steri-strip looking back at me disappointed as I'm not taking it too seriously!!! In retrospective, it was doing its job properly and still is...

One other thing that was engraved in my head today is that patients want to be told the truth. and whatever you say can indeed be "used against you" in any further conversation.
Tell the truth, don't sugar coat it... be empathetic AT ALL TIMES but don't tell only half the truth. The nurse said the injection wouldn't hurt, she said it knowing very well that heparin burns a lot, and it was agony (well, agony for me!)... Not fair towards the patient... A little scratch doesn't cut it, I'm not a kid! Anybody would appreciate "this will burn a bit" rather than a lie, at least you're mentally prepared... don't end up jumping on the chair, especially after I told her how afraid I was of needles!
Routine sayings should be abolished! Some injections are a little scratch, some are hell, man up and say it!!!

Though, in the name of fairness, I also have to admit that the ward was full, she was really busy, I was most probably a little pain in the rear side and she was superb in anything else from walking me to theatre, checking on me constantly and getting me chocolate!
Because of this she's forgiven... and to be honest, it would be lovely to have her by my side should anything else happen to me.

This could have been a very bad experience but it wasn't and it's all thanks to the amazing staff that took care of me, every single one of them.
And that's the sort of doctor I would like to become one day, one able to encompass all the caring qualities I've been shown by everyone today.

Anyway, on the way home my brother Dani and I stopped at Blockbuster because I have been saying since when the academic year stared that, during my long summer break I would have finally caught up with movies, TV series and -after all the hard work- just mindless activities for a while.
... and since I'm forced to be under "house arrests", legally well drugged up for a few days, I guess the 20 books I still have to read and the 6 DVDs I got are going to be my time fillers! :-))

Well, I've had a few interesting weeks running up to today so I know how it feels to be stressed and a bit powerless... I've had a very enlightening day in regards to what are the annoying and reassuring bits of a surgical procedure so I can safely say that, after having been "on the other side", I definitely know this was an experience worth living for the priceless learning aspect of it! I'm sure this will make me just that little bit more of a better doctor in the future...

And this, my dear communication skills lecturers, makes for an amazing piece of reflective writing!!!

Mediocrity

Mediocrity... Is something I don't understand...

Mediocrity, the way I see it, is not reaching your full potential as a person. Unfortunately I see a lot of it and it has nothing to do with not having the possibility.
If you do your best with what you're given you're not mediocre, if you put everything you have into a dream, a project, an idea than you've defeated mediocrity... But if you continually find excuses not to get out of something that you don't like, than you fulfill the stereotype... completely!

The dictionary defines a mediocre person as "not exceptional in any way especially in quality or ability, size or degree" but to me it goes beyond that... There are so many people out there that live half way between where they were placed and where they could be.
They choose to achieve only a part of what they have the potential to do and sit there complaining of how they don't like the situation they are in, or even worse thinking they are better than those around them.

It's not what you have that brings you out of mediocrity - you can still be a very mediocre filthy rich person - but your value as a human being is completely wasted.

Too many people are happy to just sit in the middle, choosing to be a half-hearted professional, member of the family, worker, believer, atheist, performer, participant in this life...
I'd have a lot more respect for them if I'd see them putting everything they have and are into developing any of these sides as much as I may not agree with some of them.
What are you doing with your gifts? Are they making you a better person? What are you contributing to what is surrounding you?

Mediocrity is the easy way out of everything. A mediocre being absorbs what it can but without giving anything in return... I much more like those "glow-in-the-dark" stickers, they don't make it obvious that they are collecting light but when the darkness comes they shine through because they are able to utilise it when it's needed.

A better person will use the ability he/she has been gifted with to make something of them. These are row materials to be used and it takes work to transform them into something of value... if you dare you breach the wall of mediocrity, if you work for it, even if it's hard, you're the better one off, if you are not afraid of giving it your best shot, even if it looks impossible, than it doesn't matter if you make it or not, it's what spark you put back in the life that has been given to you that makes you shine as the person you are now choosing NOT to be...

Get up from your bottom, have the courage to take the steps it takes to better yourself in whatever field you need to, don't settle with 99% if you can get 100% because, even if 99% is an excellent achievement, if you have the potential of getting to 100% and you don't than you're still mediocre!

Ode to Starbucks

I'm sitting in Union Square which, for those of you who are not familiar with NYC, is a little bit like "everything-you-can-find-in-the-city-concentrated-in-just-a-few-square-meters" sort of place... Around the square you can find to name a few: a make-up shop, a whole food shop, a shoe shop, an acting academy, a pet shop, a few clothing shops and lots more,,, basically, if you never wanted to move anywhere once you got here this would be the place to place your tent in and just enjoy!
In the middle of the square there is a park, all around there are very often market stalls selling foods and all sorts of other things and then, of course, there are 3 Starbucks... And I mean, THREE!
I'm sitting in one of them and I thought, being in the land of USA, I had to write about such a staple!
I got to know Starbucks in Europe, funny enough... But it's only after I started to travel over to the US that I realised the mass phenomenon that this "coffee shop" chain represents... And I did have to put coffee shop in inverted commas because Starbucks is so much more than that!
Coffees are indeed sold but that's just the background of the full operation, what I would call the "bucks"... ah but the "Star" is something else!!!
The "Star" is the people meeting in here, to chat about happiness and disappointment over a warm drink, the people who come in to warm up in a freezing day and those who come in to escape the boiling heat of a mid-summer afternoon...

The Star is also the opportunity one has to use free Internet...
"Well, what's the big deal?" You may think... Many other places offer that as well...
Ah yes, but there is a Starbucks pretty much at every corner of every street... It's like a faithful friend you know you can rely on wherever you go. And that of course mean every little corner of the world... how convenient!

And then there's the food... The dozens of different sizes, flavours, colours, calories, shapes and funny name ones... Watching your line? If you get the reduced-fat-double-cinnamon- little-swirl you are only getting about 200 calories compared with the amazing chocolate-vanilla-envy-pound-cake that will bill you about 350 of them...
And it's all written down for you, so you don't blame them for getting fat... you know, like they do with McDonalds!!!

And if you go on the Starbuck's website you have the whole specification of every single ingredient, percentage, weight, and anything else you can think of for every single drink they offer.

I tried the Dark Cherry Mocha today for the first time... Maybe if I had gone to the website and realised the amount of calories and fat it carries I wouldn't have bought it but, after all, one must try everything in life and so I did!

I do understand the big fuss over the drink... it does things to you (like my friend Ben says!)
namely it warms your thoughts, it transports you into a cherry blossom garden, it embraces you with this sweet but not too potent fragrance and then the coffee aroma hits you and you realise that the little smile building up on your lips really is a gift of Starbucks...

Maybe I'm a bit biased in my opinion... There are many excellent coffee shops (much much better than any Starbucks!) with home baked goodies and not mass produced like here...But come on, let's be honest, at least the green round sign symbol of this big giant, always guarantees what you'll be getting and that's a place to relax, have a great chat with friends, offer you comfy seats, and maybe, just maybe, bring you somewhere else like it did with me...

Junior WHAT?!?

So here I am, back in glamorous NYC to attend an unexpected seminar at the now familiar Mount Sinai School of Medicine.

The trip over has been a little adventurous... Starting with almost missing my connection flight in Paris because of delays due to snow (yes we got snow in Edinburgh at the end of March!) and my suitcase getting misplaced by the airline resulting in me having to frantically look late at night for something half professional (yet stylish!) to wear at the seminar today... Not like I'm complaining since Air France will be refunding the money spent!

This said I at least managed to arrive on time at the hospital this morning without getting lost at all (I'm getting good at this NYC living madness!) to register for the seminar and joined the line to get my name badge.

For those of you following my academic path, I am actually still a med-student and though I have been studying around medicine for a few years, I have only started at St Andrews in September and am 2 and a bit full years from getting any sort of a degree... basically I am nobody you should trust yet!

Apparently the American bunch doesn't think so as when I got handed my badge for the day my face almost dropped at the title "Junior Doctor - UK"

Junior WHAT?!?
Oh dear!!!

Taken completely by surprise I stood there wondering if it was the case to actually rectify the obvious mistake made... I so wish I was a junior doctor but well, I still have quite a way to go and certainly I don't deserve the title... though something at the back of my mind told me it would be really cool to walk around the hospital and have people looking at that badge and think "Wow, she's a doctor!" (like they would... ;-)) and what harm could it do since I'm not expected to talk to anybody or touch anything anyway today?!

So I decided to shut up and live in the illusion that for a day I actually knew a lot more than I do... Except it didn't last long... My incredibly honest conscience had the best of me and, 10 minutes and 4 curious people later, I headed to the registration desk to point out that I was not ALAS, a doctor yet!
The lady looked at me in complete bewilderment and said "Oh, but you are!"
"Erm, no..." I tried to explain "I wish I was but I am not..."
She gave me a big smile and kindly explained to me that a Junior Doctor here is actually a doctor in training, someone who has completed the first stage of training and passed their interview and been accepted into the program I'm following...

"Ah!" that was just about all I managed to say... So I found out that after all a "Junior doctor" here is the equivalent of what a "Baby doctor" would be in the UK
I always knew Americans have to do things bigger!!!

So I did spend the day proudly wearing my badge and for a few hours I felt a bit like Dr House, though he's an MD (but maybe here I'll be an MD next year and it will mean something completely different!!)