A bit of a failure

Today I had a stressful day...

Was supposed to sit 3 tests and luckily only sat 2 because one of my lecturers thought she could spare me from the 3rd one and having me sit it on Thursday.

The 1st went well or so I think...
I am always hesitant to use the word 'easy' as it's when you feel safe that you really are not but I do feel I did ok and all the effort put into studying will possibly pay off when I get the result.

The 2nd test instead was another story...
Hours of preparation, tutorials, flash cards, internet research, book reading and note taking just happened to fail miserably when, after having thought I did fairly well, I found out that I got 60% in my Chemistry test where the pass mark is 70%

A couple of stupid mistakes and then a major one...
One that cost me all the marks of the last 2 questions.
Just one stupid rule I didn't understand that completely ruined my results.
Well, not like the rule is really stupid, it's more me not thinking straight but what a silly way to throw away a pass!

Today's test was a self assessment, the real exam is not until January but, even if my lecturer was fairly pleased with my result for not having done any chemistry before, I still felt a bit of a failure...

The positive side is that I will never make this mistake again...
The negative side is that I'll have to go again through every single rule to make sure I know exactly what to do with it...

Or maybe I should consider this a positive?

Not sure quite yet but meanwhile I'm buying a shovel for the chocolate ice-cream tub...
I think it will be a few long weeks leading up to the real exam...

My first patient...

Have you ever tried to imagine how does a doctor feel when he has to deal with his first patient?

And no, I'm not talking about the first patient of the day, the one that comes right after your morning coffee, the one that you'll fight not to yawn at, the one that inevitably will keep you longer than you wish but not because you don't like him or her, just because it's the first patient of the day and anyone would be too much at 8 in the morning...

I'm talking about the first real patient, the one you've been waiting for and dreaming of, the first one that will feel how cold your stethoscope is, will admire your nervous smile and understand that actually, you just turned into a doctor!

Have you ever wondered if you'll say the right thing, follow the right procedure and chant the right diagnosis?

I had a taste of that today...

Right, to be fair I didn't have to use the stethoscope, smile, pronounce a diagnosis or even entertain... To be honest it wasn't even close to 8am!

But how cool was it to follow a procedure and take care of the patient making sure he was alright while I was administering the medication?


Oh right, you people, it was just Storm, but it's a beginning and it's telling me that's exactly what I want to do.. and we all have to start somewhere don't we?!?

Studying in company

They say that studying in company has its advantages...

Yeah, I can see that!

You share the knowledge and notes, if someone doesn't get something the other person(s) can help, when a pause is needed you're not alone and some nice, maybe mindless conversation can go on and take your thoughts away from revision...

Truth is that studying with friends can also be tricky as not all go at the same pace, you may have to wait for or have to catch up with people, may want to concentrate on a subject rather than another one but not everybody agrees, you may not be up for the chatter at the table or maybe prefer studying with music rather than in complete silence but your preferences are not regarded...

So tonight it's bonfire night in Scotland. Apparently a guy didn't manage to blow up the parliament some few years ago so, to celebrate that event, we do blow up half of Edinburgh and surroundings with fireworks every year on this night!
The rhyme goes like "Remember remember the 5th of November..." though really, how could someone forget about it with an explosion every 4 seconds, I don't know...

Don't take me wrong, the displays that go on throughout the city and the rest of the country are gorgeous but quite different to what I am used to do as a celebration!

I was supposed to go out with friends for a firework galore display but, 1- I have a cat that needs supervision as he's still not completely recovered from his anesthesia, 2- it's too flipping cold outside for a hearty Italian like me and 3- I have tons (...and I am not kidding by saying tons) of notes to rewrite and study so I have decided to pass on the explosion's part of the evening, sent the husband out to represent the family, and staid home to expand my quite limited knowledge on the human heart and ECGs.

I have friends studying with me tonight and, as you can see from my picture, I don't know about the sharing of notes, pace of learning or equal contribution of knowledge but it's pretty clear that they are both very much into it as well as excellent providers of mindless conversation!

Doing the "right thing"

Right, I have to apologise for not being able to update this blog in the past couple of weeks, it is so unlike me!

The excuse(s) is/are that I was busy, had tests coming up, a husband just come back from India, a gorgeous birthday party and a painfully snotty cat...

...The truth is, I had a bit of a writer's block!

Not like I didn't know what to say, that would be ridiculous given the fact that I am Italian and we can waffle endlessly, it was more on the fact that I actually had so much stuff going on that I couldn't find a way of mentally organising it all and write it down... hence, a few white pages!

College is going great, so far I'm keeping up really well with assessments and study plan...

I just had my progress interview with my tutor in which he told me that he's very happy about my work... I know I can do better though, and he knows it too, so I'm working on concentrating a bit more or studying and less on having a life...

Yeah... well... who needs a life anyway?!? After all it's only a few months till we'll know who gets into St Andrews so it's worth the effort.

I really hate this situation where only 5 of us will be able to proceed to St. Andrews, we should all be given the chance to go on...

In these quiet, literally unproductive days, I had the chance to get to know some people in my class a bit better.

To be honest, we have some real characters in the group and I love them!

We all have amazing stories that made us what we are today and I got fascinated by a few of them. We all face things in such a different way...
I'm the little control freak but you can easily spot the funny one, the laid back one, the goofy one, the frightened one and many more...
So, as I sit amongst them and I get to be a little part of their day, I wonder why was I thinking that I shouldn't be much help to them just because we're "competing"...

Is this really what a Doctor would do?
Would he turn his back to people in need and say: "Sorry but I'm after the same thing you are so no, I won't help you get closer to it..."
Would he say "Your loss my gain"?

...Would he really?

Well, I wouldn't!

Would God really judge me worth of going on taking care of people if I am so worried about someone being better than me that I won't feel safe helping them?

Do I really trust God "so much" to think that doing the right thing would damage me?

I sure don't think so...

So I've started!
I've started sharing my notes, my methods, my revision cards and tables...

I have started doing what is right to do and I know that this will only make me a better person.

So here it is, in black and white, all I have been thinking.

...So much for the writer's block...

St. Andrews University