Playing with people's lives

I had a dream... a few months ago...

The dream was VERY weird, like most of my dreams are and I should consider changing my diet possibly but that's another story!

My weird dream led me to start writing a book. It's a fiction book about someone having to make a very important, life/death defying choice...
I won't give away anything more about the plot because that's what will eventually make me rich so you'll have to buy the book once it's published *Dona chuckles*

What I want to consider instead is what happens when you write a book.

I sat down first of all having to decide what names I would give these characters.
What do you call a famous person?
What do you call his best friend?
And what do you call a very strange girl with glowing blue eyes?

I had a definite idea about the best friend so I picked Jared.
It sounded like a great name to me.
I had kind of an idea about the strange girl but wasn't totally happy so I started asking friends and after a few suggestions I settled on Ariana (which translated from Italian means 'made of air' -amidst some other meanings that didn't interest me!)
That definitely sounds like a good name for someone who appears and disappears when you least expect it.

The name of the lead character is still a work in progress. He was assigned one but I am not completely sold on it and still hope more inspiration will come about.

I never thought until when I started this project that writing a book actually equaled playing with people's lives.
All of a sudden I see the appeal it has for serious writers, those who lose themselves into their stories.
Don't fear my friends, I am not considering leaving my dreams of a medical career for book writing, but it is a nice summer project and if it pleases me than why not?

You create a person, you give him/her some physical traits, a name, an identity.
The best thing of all is that in some characters there is a reflexion (or even more than just that) of who you are.

What would you do when faced with the biggest choice of your life?
What would you do if you found out your best friend, the only steady point in your life wasn't who you thought he was?

And you find yourself thinking...
I would chose to do the right thing! Of course you would... but would you really?

Writing a book is like making a character do something you wouldn't have the courage to or something you'll never have the chance to do.
You create liaisons, mysteries, feelings.
Even more than that, you completely make up places. I have always dreamed of owning a penthouse in San Diego from where I could admire the uninterrupted views of the bay... Guess where my character lives?

In a book there is always the chance of redemption, you can twist life, time and events in a way that is humanly impossible to do if not on paper.
The power the author has while writing a book is comparable to that of a creator... his world, his rules! ... and it feels exhilarating!

I have always thought that when faced with a right/wrong turn I would definitely chose the right one, despite the consequences.. and I do actually aim to do that every single time but sometimes it's hard and making someone else do it it's exciting... after all it reflects you.

Or even, when of course life is led in the right direction and goodness, you would really want to do something out of the ordinary, even a bit naughty if not completely evil but well, it would hurt someone and that's not really you, what do you do?

Pick a character, make up a story, for once let the baddies win for, as long as it stays on the book pages, it's ok... I think...

So when I have a little bit of free time I type away, unstressed by deadlines since I'm writing for myself (oh and for my future fans of course!!!), not phased by what is going to happen because the story it's unfolding by itself, sure that my main man will struggle to do it but eventually will give into good (and don't we all try to?)

I am enjoying playing with people's lives, putting myself into it, calling some of the lesser character as some of my friends are called because it makes it more fun if they're in there too, and then daring to live something that would be impossible, or at least improbable, and just not quite practical but that it's fun to imagine.

If you have never tried it I'd suggest you do, started as a joke I now have a set of 'people' I care for and I'm taking through a fantastic journey.

I wonder if they were real if they'd like my game... 'cause I do!

In need of cuddles...

Today is not a good day...

For starters the sun isn't shining and I really can't explain why everyday I have to drive to college the sun is beautiful and warm while when I have a day off and I could go out for long walks the sun becomes shy and the clouds are on display in the sky!
Never believed in Murphy's law but I am starting to convert to the idea!

Second, the sniffles I have tried to ignore for almost a month are now attacking with avengence and I am not happy.

I woke up this morning feeling about the age of 90, with at least 15 broken bones (or so my back is telling me!) problems breathing (I though it was Sushi sleeping on my chest as usual but when I looked he was on the throw at the bottom of the bed) and a very VERY funny red nose attached to my face!

I can't go out like this anyway... Red Nose day was a month ago, wasn't it?!?



I suppose I am just in need of cuddles but since husband is in India until the end of May I'll stay home instead of going to the library with my friend, possibly order some food from Tesco online, use the cold as a valid excuse to feel sorry for myself and lay on the couch all day cuddling up with my cats and sneezing in unison with Storm who has the sniffles too!

What a day!

The Chemistry Of Life

Well, for starters my life is surrounded and dipped in chemistry!
I am a chemical being, my body works thanks to chemical reactions, I live in a world full of chemicals and my dad has a degree in industrial chemistry...
Sooo, all of this ideally should make me an expert!
But an expert I am not...

Through the course I'm doing I have started to understand a few amazing concepts such as the mechanisms of our bodies, some of our interactions with the environment, factors essential to the humanity survival. The whole lot is absolutely fascinating!

Learning it though is a bit daunting.

Formulas, elements, numbers, masses, moles, values, atoms, forces, orbitals...



And then there was Andrew, our chemistry overly patient and incredibly dedicated lecturer which has made a big difference in this journey of chemistry discovery... for me at least!

So suddenly things have become a bit clearer and, though far from fully grasping the concept of the chemistry of life, I have certainly come to appreciate some things which were obscure and slightly frightening. I have started to make the connections that will expand into the next year, into different fields, into my future.

Today was the last day of proper chemistry teaching I'll ever sit at Perth College and I can't believe I'm saying this but I'll miss the class.
Through the ups and downs of it all, despite the resentment I felt when lack of sleep during exam preparation made me hate the subject, I can honestly say that chemistry has touched my life

Including all the silly little mistakes that took away marks from my exams but made my journey at least a wee bit more fun!

An Easter break

Easter holidays are over and there is a reason why I actually am blogging at the end of the two weeks rather than in the middle...
I have been wondering if anything exciting would happen, anything that would make me go "WOW!" but then I started to wonder what would actually make me go "WOW!" and I couldn't answer.

So time ticked by and me going about my usual life kind of waiting but not exactly knowing for what I was waiting.

Study didn't seem too appealing all of a sudden (I bet it's because it is bugs this time!), cats were funny but not as usual, friends did come around but I wasn't satisfied... Even my very brief and extremely exhausting trip to Milan turned out to be a rush which, though it filled me with joy due to the time spent with my father and brother, really went so fast that is has already kind of blurred in the background of all the things I'm dealing with at the moment... I even wondered if I have indeed been there or if it wasn't just a dream.

I feel like I have waited in vain for something to happen but if you ask me what I don't really know how to explain.

Am I going insane? Am I ALREADY insane?

Or maybe this is just life... and we should appreciate it for what it is...
Waiting, not even knowing for what, doesn't pay.
One should go on living every day as usual and when something does happen than "WOW!" that would be the moment!

Or, and this is what I have been considering, we should still be able to find that "WOW!" in everyday life, in the little things we do, in the words of a friend, in the play fight of two cats, in the lines of a book, in the embrace of your family, in our image in the mirror.

I believe we should, we can, we must...

There is something unexpected even in the expected and that's the wonder of it.
Timing is different, colours are different, emotions are different, seasons are different, faith is different, sky is different, the soul...is different...

So this Easter break taught me more than a lesson:
- the first one is that we shouldn't wait for something not even knowing what it is,
- the second one is that we are beings able to see the wonder of living even when it's not apparent,
- and the third one is that, for goodness sake, I HATE BUGS!!!

April Fool's

I woke up early this morning (well, early to be a holiday!) with the intention of preparing some more for my Microbiology exam. The exam is not until the 15th of April but ‘better safe than sorry’ has always been kind of my motto...

I also think I am developing ADD (for those Italian and non-medical people ADD stands for Attention Deficit Disorder) as I can’t sit still for more than half hour at the time and I get bored after 5 flashcards and start browsing on internet or doing some major procrastinating effort just to leave the studying behind.

I just realised that I have never posted a proper reflection of my time in surgery at PRI so I guess I’ll do that now... April Fool's Day is conductive of thoughts I'd say!

I loved the experience! Because of the type of place where we were, it was sort of difficult to reflect; not like there was much talking between the patient and the surgeon going on (I would have seriously questioned the anaesthetist abilities otherwise!) or any other interaction or decision made that I could have thought to do different...
I can say that it was good to see the surgeries though I realised that the operating theatre is not as fascinating as people think it is.
First of all it’s a quite small room, second, it’s like a factory chain where the moment a patient goes out a new sleepy one comes in and it starts all over again.
All in all I suppose I wouldn’t be a good surgeon; the practice is quite repetitive and dare I say a bit boring?

I have considered a bit more what type of doctor I’d like to be and I would really like to take care of people. Which, put this way would really make me a nurse more than a doctor, but what I mean is that I want to be a doctor people remember, not just a face they randomly see doing ward rounds when they’re at the hospital.

I still haven't settled on a specialty, I have 6 more years of nose in the books before I can even dare to act as a glorified secretary (definition of an FY1 doctor, not mine) that is a Foundation doctor. Too much time has to pass before I can even consider deciding seriously what to do after I graduate but I think something like Palliative Care would definitely suit me.
Some of my friends argued that it’s a quite sad place to be since a Palliative Care doc will basically never see the patients get better... what a satisfaction!
But to me satisfaction doesn’t only come from seeing people walking out of the hospital rather from making sure that the person I’m taking care of is comfortable and can LIVE its last days appropriately with the loved ones.
I know it made a massive difference to my family when my mom passed away 2 years ago and I would really like to be the one able to make this happen in someone else’s life.

Who knows though? Life is funny and wonderful and 6 years from now I may have a completely different idea than what I have now...

So I’ll look back on this blog pages and see if my predictions are coming true or it was the crazy waffling of an Italian (almost) med student who decided to wake up early during Easter holiday to study Microbiology but that instead wrote a very long blog entry, got hungry and decided to leave the studying to a bit later after she had consumed lots of chocolate cereal!

Gotta love April Fool’s Day Reflection!!!

NOTE TO SELF - Breakfast before surgery is good!

Today was another day of clinical placement at the hospital

As usual Nina and I met at the cafe at 8am and had a nice catch up chat till about quarter to 9 and then made a move to speak to our two consultants and see what exciting things they had in store for us today.
Before leaving the hospital cafe to go to the ward I remembered last week and how noisy my stomach was an hour after surgery started because I hadn't had any breakfast so, not wanting to repeat the same embarrasing thing I prepared!
Biscuit in the handbag and off we went to work...

Today was day surgery. Pretty different from the normal theatre life.
I have to say that (... and this is just for reflective purposes...) that some of the people who were operated today looked so sore to me that I wouldn't have sent them home for at least a week let alone a couple of hours later but anyway... I suppose doctors know better, or at least they should!

Our green scrubs on and Nina and I proudly marched into the day surgery theatre.
First surgery was repair of an hernia...
Surgeon cuts, surgeon pulls, surgeon explains... and my stomach goes mental!!!

"Oh no! I forgot the biscuit!"
And that was me... I started to feel a bit weak because of lack of sugar and decided that sneaking to the changing room to grab a couple of bites off the biscuit I had just bought would have been great so I could quickly return into the theatre to enjoy some more cutting up... It was a master plan but... well, it didn't go quite that way.
I did ask to leave to go and eat the biscuit! I said I was wanting to go away for just a moment and started walking towards the door... Before I could actually realise what was going on 5 nurses followed me, grabbed me, brutally chucked me on a bed, leaned the bed at an angle so to have my feet higher than my head and put a cold compress on my forehead... "Don't worry" they said... It's ok to faint... it always happens the first times!

WHAT?!?!

I didn't even see it coming, I was just going to grab a quick bite... :-S
"But I was not about to faint!" I protested "I'm just starving!"
Well, same result as talking to a wall... They were determined to save me!
It didn't matter at all I told them I just needed breakfast ...to make it clear I even considered explaining that I was actually taking great pleasure in seeing all the gory bits but I'm afraid they would have looked at me as a little monster so I refrained!
They said I was really pale but hey, since when I live in Scotland I'm Casper - the revenge!!!
They said my pulse was slow but my pulse is naturally like that...
Oh well, since I lost the battle I took it with philosophy and laughed about it... probably they have loads of people fainting... obviously seen how fast they reacted.

And at least now I have definitely learnt my lesson and know to have breakfast before I go into surgery, so I don't scare anybody and my stomach stops being noisy in the least appropriate moments!

Comeback

I know, I know... I have been absent from the blog for ages!

No, I don't have any excuse for it... I could say as usual that I was busy (and I was...), that I had exams (and I did have...), that I was not in the mood (and I wasn't...) but I suppose the real reason I haven't been writing for a while is that I got lazy.

I got caught in so many things to do and need for rest that given to choice to update my blog or sit with a book I have chosen the latter many a time over blogging...

But at college we have been asked to keep a reflective diary and also I got told form some of my friends who are ahead of me in the medical training that, once at university, keeping a reflective diary is quite mandatory so I have decided that blogging equals reflecting and I have resumed my writings for the joy of my fans! LOL...

College is going ok, I don't even want to go and talk about the exams that are creeping up because I'd just sit and cry so I'd rather pretend I'm ready for them (...or I still have enough time to work on what I need to know) and make crying sounds a last resort...

We have started clinical placement at the hospital. FANTASTIC!

I have been one of the lucky ones allowed to go in an area I was interested into...
I am in surgery.
So, the first day I arrived, I got sent to the changing room, given a set of greens (scrubs!) and chucked in an operating room... Thank goodness my friend Nina was there with me.




To be honest we were both quite disappointed we didn't even feel a bit faint or anything... I'm not sure if it's because we both watch Scrubs or ER but it was a breeze!

The second time we were sent to an orthopedic theatre where they repair joints. We only saw two surgeries rather than the 5 we assisted to the first time but they were brutal!

Still... not even a grossed out face!
Not when the surgeon started to use hammer and chisel on a full open knee and not even when he cut open a patient shoulder to remove a cyst as big as an egg!

Nina and I both watched with a big grin on our faces... go figure...

We got asked to reflect on what we would have done different but what am I supposed to say?

I'm not a surgeon, not yet and maybe never will be so what would I have done different?!
To be honest I had a great time and, if I really have to pick on something the surgeon did, I suppose I would tell him that I thoroughly admired his skills but he had to trim his sideburns... they were atrocious!!!

And this is all from the operating room so far :-)